Solitude

It is not about what happened and how things are now. I believe that I have found myself living a world full of insecurities and low esteem. Afraid of what people would think, afraid of being compared. And it's all in the mind. I may have over value myself and mostly under value. Rain has started and yoga didn't help the calm. But yet for sure. This is it. The main problem that led me to what I did for the past years but yet leaving me with good real friends and a conclusion that the past years has been about self acceptance and being true to myself. What I am and what I'm not. What I like and it doesn't matter what you don't like. It is the root of every little thing I felt before the "excuse problem" came along. This is what I've been trying to figure out when I told you I need some space. To figure out what I want, and what's wrong with me. And after years of every ups and down. Every laugh and tears. Every hello and goodbyes. Everything that happened brings me tonight to this conclusion that LOUDLY i'll say : I am insecure and I have low self esteem. Look at the girl who's being her and somehow maybe in the past some try to change her. I don't change but I'm growing. Hopefully sooner or later. Probably now. Convincing myself. I am "this". I am "that". I am not "them". I am not "you". I am "ME". I remember it was on 6th floor at my school the moment about feeling really awkward and I knew something is wrong (with me). Sadly we just cannot pleased everyone. Emotionally unstabble? is that a word or a definition of who I was. Emotionally unhappy. Yep. I used to be very ungrateful. No direction. And after years, the answer is myself. Hopefully this close every bad things bad timing bad thoughts. I am very pleased to meet you - dearest deepest side of me. I want to know you better and to treat you right this time. To love you more is to take care of every thoughts, body and act. To be blessed that I found you. And hopefully this will bring us to a growing young adult. 2 weeks notice to 24. And to close all of the sadness and welcoming the new era with joy and hope. That I am here to make a difference. For better or worst. I am here for a reason. And no one else have a task like mine.

Sincerely,
Your own heart

Confusius Confussion

I can't stop listening to this song. I can say that the current feelings while listening to this song now is just like a little smile in the heart with no object. no person. But about that feelings that we all once had and already gone that even u can't feel that anymore but u know in your memories u once felt that. I think it is a very light and cheer up song in a slightest way or just a tiny bitsy happiness on the music arrangement. LOveLOVELOVE.love it :)

"Tulus - Sewindu Lirik

Sudah sewindu ku di dekatmu
ada di setiap pagi, di sepanjang hari
tak mungkin bila engkau tak tahu
bila ku menyimpan rasa yang ku benam sejak lama

setiap pagi ku menunggu di depan pintu
siapkan senyum terbaikku agar cerah harimu
cukup bagiku melihatmu tersenyum manis
di setiap pagimu, siangmu, malammu

sesaat dia datang pesona bagai pangeran
dan beri kau harapan bualan cinta di masa depan
dan kau lupakan aku semua usahaku
semua pagi kita, semua malam kita

oh tak akan lagi ku menemuimu di depan pintu
dan tak ada lagi tutur manis ku merayumu

setiap pagi ku menunggu di depan pintu
siapkan senyum terbaikku agar cerah harimu
cukup bagiku melihatmu tersenyum manis
di setiap pagimu, siangmu, malammu

sesaat dia datang pesona bagai pangeran
dan beri kau harapan bualan cinta di masa depan
dan kau lupakan aku semua usahaku
semua pagi kita, semua malam kita

oh tak akan lagi ku menemuimu di depan pintu
dan tak ada lagi tutur manis ku merayumu
oh tak akan lagi ku menemuimu di depan pintu
dan tak ada lagi tutur manis ku merayumu

jujur memang sakit di hati
bila kini nyatanya kau memilih dia
takkan lagi ku sebodoh ini
larut di dalam angan-angan tanpa tujuan

oh tak akan lagi ku menemuimu di depan pintu
dan tak ada lagi tutur manis ku merayumu
oh tak akan lagi ku menemuimu di depan pintu
dan tak ada lagi tutur manis ku merayumu"

Link to his video --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpst_4m_c-E"

You , me , against the world.
later on.
Sewindu. :)
individually must go on. Life is too precious.

The Answer

Y : "Why do you wanna be with me?"

X : "Cause I need u."

Y : "No." (showing a disagreement by shaking his head)

X : (confused) --Is it wrong?---" Why do you wanna be with me?"

Y : "I stay with you because I love you, not because I need you."

3 words: Same subject and object (I and U),yet that word in between can be really manipulative to anybody who said it or meant it.
By the time, the word 'need' was meant to be 'love'. But sometimes, a word can be meaning with just what the basic meaning of that word itself and people just don't use metaphor or they don't want more explanation about the word.
What's inside doesn't matter. What's spoken cannot be taken.

It was not meant to be anyway.

There's someone who was eager to explain this answer and hoping that it will change my wrong perspective. And when that happened I remember this conversation had happen years ago. It's been a while but then :
"now I get it :)"

post graduate syndrome

Just finish my school. So long architecture school.
Don't know what to do. So....
Lets make a random list of what to do. random thoughts!try writing down just any thoughts that passed by

1. I want to let my hair grow and learn how to make braid. might need 'em someday
2. I want to have my shoes project and create them with my touch of style
3. Can I go somewhere far for holiday mom? :D
4. I wanna go to Bali
5. I want to clean up my room (I guess I really need this one to be done A S A P)
6. I don't wanna be an architect. not just yet.
7. Play saxophone? maybe
8. Enough with boys its girls time :P
9. Don't go clubbing
10. Work out!
11. Diet!
12. Eat lots of cotton candy and gummy bears please
13. Fashion trip somewhere
14. Sleep tight
15. Watch tons of dvds
16. Hangout with besties
17. Start your business
18. Dress up!
19. Go to superb concert
20. Might go back and play music
21. Hand crafting
22. OMG i love nagasari(Indonesian cake)
23. Organize computer files!
24.

Ziggy

"Ziggy, Il s'appele Ziggy, Je suis folle de lui."


I kept listening to that song.
The song was sung by Celine Dion my favorite singer ever.
I love it because it was in French.

"Mais moi je l'aime, c'est pas d'ma faute"

I love him, but it's not my fault.

Back to love. Another years to figure out.

"Ziggy, Il s'appele Ziggy, Je suis folle de lui"

"De parler a quelqu'un"

I'm done. Playing games. Now, tell me Ziggy. What do you got for me?

One day I just want to have a perfect family, perfect life, perfect house, perfect dress, perfect makeup, just simple as perfect (?).

"c'est pas d'ma faute"

It's not my fault.

Past is the past. present is the present. Future is the future.

Hopefully now (present) will bring lovely suprises in the future when i open my "present"

Last saturday in the big city

I am so happy that I got to help my friend Tulus for this gig on Pameran nasional Arsitek Muda in salihara.
We played 4 songs :
1. Waiting in vain - Bob marley
2. Inside and out - Feist
3. Gatekeeper - Feist
4. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga (the last which is my fave! )
-all in acoustic version

And so we arrived in the big city and wait..wait..waited for some time but I always love salihara so the waiting doesn't seem really hard for me.

Oh, have I told you that I play the saxophone?
Anyway, this event was for architects, so I can meet my friends who came there, gosh I miss them so much. <3<3<3 ^^

This holiday I work at this Architecture firm "GAEA" and it was really fun! I got to meet new people and in the Exhibition (this Architecture exhibition) they also exhibit one of the works. COOL! I got to learn things and meet new *again..new people.
The firm only accept womens, which I thought is really nice and rare.
Back to the topic, uhm...yeah. So! I am really happy that I met other fellas from the music world or random friends I met this week.

LOVE THE JAMMIN AND ALWAYS IN LOVE WITH MUSIC STUFF.
Tulus's voice and also Dian's is really nice. I love listening to their voice while singing only! (nah..just kidding) LOL
anyway, I'll upload the video as soon I got the performance video.

HASTA LA VISTA. C YA AROUND. =)

photo courtesy: Lukman Hakim
Anastasia Widyaningsih

SUPER RANDOM DAY !!!!

Yesterday I was going to write about my random day but then i fell asleep. LOL
So I decided to write it down today.

The day was started with me going from my home town to my college city (LOL) to go to work. My friend Saski pick me up in and then we got sushi for lunch. She accompany me to the office and there's nothing to do. All off my co-workers are going home while me saski planned to go and watch dvd or going to a salon. Damn! we are so out of clue, what to do next. And there it is, a message that made our day more random, a text message asking me to join a fashion show. It was from my friend Metia who is a young fashion desainer from my University.

I ask, "Sas, do u want to do a fashion show?". And she replied,"What?". But then after several random talks. "Since" we got nothing else to do, we decided to go and just do that fashion show. Anyway I'm always in love with their masterpiece (the designers from my University).

There we are, still confused. Listening to the mentor and meeting other models.The next thing we know we already covered by makeup (the makeup artist was super awesome!), I don't have any heels so I wore metia's and guest what: part of the shoes fell off while I was walking on the catwalk".

The catwalk itself was having this keroncong music as a backsound for the fashion show. DAMN! what a super honey random day.

ow! n PS: I bought this lovely cool wedges from one of the designers there. :P I can't help it. so it became my second shoes that I bought for this week. hh....I better stop this addictive thing. LOL. cheers!

photo courtesy : alamanda arsidia wulandari
my blackberry mobile uploads
metia's