Solitude

It is not about what happened and how things are now. I believe that I have found myself living a world full of insecurities and low esteem. Afraid of what people would think, afraid of being compared. And it's all in the mind. I may have over value myself and mostly under value. Rain has started and yoga didn't help the calm. But yet for sure. This is it. The main problem that led me to what I did for the past years but yet leaving me with good real friends and a conclusion that the past years has been about self acceptance and being true to myself. What I am and what I'm not. What I like and it doesn't matter what you don't like. It is the root of every little thing I felt before the "excuse problem" came along. This is what I've been trying to figure out when I told you I need some space. To figure out what I want, and what's wrong with me. And after years of every ups and down. Every laugh and tears. Every hello and goodbyes. Everything that happened brings me tonight to this conclusion that LOUDLY i'll say : I am insecure and I have low self esteem. Look at the girl who's being her and somehow maybe in the past some try to change her. I don't change but I'm growing. Hopefully sooner or later. Probably now. Convincing myself. I am "this". I am "that". I am not "them". I am not "you". I am "ME". I remember it was on 6th floor at my school the moment about feeling really awkward and I knew something is wrong (with me). Sadly we just cannot pleased everyone. Emotionally unstabble? is that a word or a definition of who I was. Emotionally unhappy. Yep. I used to be very ungrateful. No direction. And after years, the answer is myself. Hopefully this close every bad things bad timing bad thoughts. I am very pleased to meet you - dearest deepest side of me. I want to know you better and to treat you right this time. To love you more is to take care of every thoughts, body and act. To be blessed that I found you. And hopefully this will bring us to a growing young adult. 2 weeks notice to 24. And to close all of the sadness and welcoming the new era with joy and hope. That I am here to make a difference. For better or worst. I am here for a reason. And no one else have a task like mine.

Sincerely,
Your own heart